Butter Yellow
by Skeptile
Summary: 'Craig strode in holding a pillow.  "Hands up." He informed the gnomes.  All hands went up.  "C-Craig?" Butters asked in slight disbelief. "Di- Did you just storm the village with a.. pillow?"  "Yes."'


**Butter Yellow**

"BUTTERS!" Stephen screamed, nearly kicking the door off its hinges as he barged in.

"W-Wha!" Butters fumbled with the bottle of glue he had been holding, nearly dropping it.

"Why is my floor covered with glue, Butters! _My _fucking room, Butters!" Stephen bellowed, gesturing at his sticky slippers.

"I-I don't know..." Butters whimpered, looking terrified.

Stephen leaned closer to his son's face with his eyes narrowed. "Lie to my face, will you?" He growled. "Well…"

He stood up and snapped his fingers.

"You're grounded!" Stephen barked, turning around and slamming Butters' door after him.

"Aw hamburgers…" Butters muttered, looking in dismay at the collage he had been making.

**JEW STAR**

The next day, Linda knocked on Butters' door.

"Now, normally you're not allowed on the phone but your friend said it was something very important about homework so you have five minutes." She said, handing Butters the phone and closing the phone after her.

"Hello?" Butters asked.

"Butters, man, you are in _big _trouble!" Kenny's muffled voice came from the phone. "You never showed yesterday for Cartman's crazy plan and he's _pissed_!"

"R-Really?"

"Yeah. Crap, he's coming!"

"Move it, you poo' piece of crap!" Butters heard a voice slightly further away from the phone, then an 'oof' from Kenny as he was shoved to one side.

"Buttahs, you fag!" Cartman yelled. "You nevah showed up yesterday!"

There was a pause as Butters cowered slightly away from the phone and Cartman collected himself.

"Buttahs, stay there." Cartman's voice was eerily calm for someone who had been yelling his lungs out previously.

Too calm..

Butters was immediately much more terrified.

There were some scuffling noise, the faint sound of Cartman's voice saying 'Goddammit, Kinneh get your grubby poo' hands off mah phone!' before Kenny spoke up.

"Mm, yup, Cartman's really pissed at you." He commented. "Wow, he's acting like you didn't show up for a date or someth-"

There was a sudden sound of something hard hitting flesh before Butters heard the voices of Stan and Kyle.

"Oh my God, Cartman killed Kenny!"

"You bastard!"

Butters panicked as he heard a door slamming, bolting out of his room, ignoring his parents as he burst out the door and headed towards the forest near Tweek's house.

**PLAYBOY BUNNY**

Butters was gazing around the cave he had stumbled into in wonder, when he suddenly he heard the sound of some people singing.

"Huh?" He said, turning around and looking at the direction the sound was coming from.

'_Time to go to work, work all night,_

_Search for underpants, hey!_

_We won't stop, until we have underpants,_

_Yum tum yummy tum day!'_

"The Underpants Gnomes?" Butters exclaimed. "Wow!"

He jumped in front of the startled gnomes and said, grinning "Well, hey, fellas! I'm Butters!"

One of the gnomes stepped forward and stared at him.

"What d'you want?" He demanded.

"Oh, w-well I saw you and I thought I should say hi because that's polite." Butters said, looking uncertainly at the gnome.

"And lemme guess, you need a hiding place?" The gnome put a hand on his head, looking annoyed.

Butters looked surprised and nodded.

"I thought so. Alright then, I suppose, but you have to help us when we steal underwear, are we clear?"

"B-But stealing's bad." Butters protested weakly.

"Look, kid, you don't have to stay with us. You can just stay in that cave you were in and face the bear who lives there when it comes back."

"Oh, w-well in that case I guess I'll help you fellas steal underwear."

**SWASTIKA**

After several nights of botched theft attempts, the gnome leader admitted defeat and told Butters to 'just stay in the village and for God's sake, don't touch the underwear!'

While Butters was having dinner, Tweek suddenly burst through the door hold a bazooka screeching 'Argh!'

Butters jumped and nearly fell off his char.

"T-Tweek!" He gasped, clutching his chest.

"Butters! Oh Jesus, have the Underpants Gnomes started stealing people too! Do I have to rescue them all! Christ, that is _way _too much pressure!" Tweek cried.

"N-No, Tweek, calm down, I'm just hiding because Eric wants to kill me or- or somethin'." Butters explained.

"Oh, really? Why does Cartman want to –gah!- to kill you?" Tweek inquired.

"Um, well, I kinda got grounded by my folks when I was s'posed to be meetin' him…" Butters said, rubbing his knuckles together.

Tweek nodded in understanding and the two were silent for a while, save for Tweek's twitches and outbursts.

"S-So what're you here for?" Butters asked.

"My underwear! They took my last pair, so I came here to get them. I named them, so if I lost them I could –argh!- find them!" Tweek replied, heading towards the large of underwear.

Some of the gnomes stood in his way and Tweek mimed shooting his bazooka at them.

"BANG!" He screeched, and they ducked, squealing.

Tweek slung the bazooka on his back and started digging through the large pile, voicing his thoughts aloud.

"What if someone sees me and thinks I'm a pervert! Oh Jesus, I can't handle being treated like a pervert! That's way, _way _too much pressure!"

One of the gnomes stepped forward, trying to look tough when Tweek had collected his underwear and made to get up.

"Look, kid," He said. "You take any of our underwear, and I'll kill you with my bare hands!"

Tweek shrieked and fired the bazooka at the gnome, destroying his head splattering a good deal of blood and brain on the remaining underwear.

"Oh hamburgers," Was all Butters had to say as Tweek fled, his underwear in his bag while he tore his hair out over the 'pressure of being a killer'.

When the gnome leader showed up to the scene of blood and exploded brain bits, he shook his head in resignation.

"I just can't leave you anywhere alone without you getting into trouble, can I?" He sighed.

**PEACE SIGN**

The next day, the gnome leader was out again and the Kenny-Gnome (as Butters started calling him when he had seen him walking around that morning even though Tweek had made his head explode the day before.) was looking after Butters. The Kenny-Gnome had actually been largely ignoring Butters in favor of reading whatever he was reading when there was a knock on the door.

"Hello?" Came a familiar nasal voice. "Is this the Underpants Gnome village?"

"Maybe. What do you want?" The Kenny-Gnome said, looking up from reading.

"I want to join you on your quest of stealing all things underwear." The boy outside the door intoned emotionlessly.

"Oh. Well, okay then." The Kenny-Gnome blinked and unlocked the door.

Craig strode in holding a pillow.

"Hands up." He informed the gnomes.

All hands went up except for Butters'.

"C-Craig?" Butters asked in slight disbelief. "Di- Did you just storm the village with a.. _pillow_?"

"Yes." Craig replied, retrieving his Red Racer boxers from the pile and frowning slightly at it. "Why does it have blood on it?"

"H-Hey!" The Kenny-Gnome protested. "You can't do that!"

"Just watch me." Craig told the gnome, throwing his pillow at him and flipping him off.

The rest of the gnomes fled, screaming while the pillow landed on the Kenny-Gnome and squashed him.

A brick fell out of the pillow.

"Oh hamburgers, Craig killed the Kenny-Gnome!" Butters exclaimed as said boy left, quietly closing the door behind him.

From far away, you could distinctly hear a certain Jew scream 'You bastard!'

**COFFEE**

"Look kid, I know you didn't mean to and all, but you're losing us way more underwear than I expected. You're gonna have to go." The gnome leader informed a dismayed Butters.

"W-Well, I guess I understand… Sorry, fellas for bothering you." Butters said sadly, before straightening up and muttering "W-Well, since there's no way out, I suppose I should take my death like a, like a man, by golly!" as he strode out of the cave.

"Hey, kid, who wants to kill you anyway?" One of the gnomes yelled after him.

"Oh, well, Eric!" Butters replied as he walked off with dignity (translation: shuffled off with great reluctance) to his doom.

"Eric! Eric Cartman!" The gnome leader exclaimed.

"Oooh, he's _doomed_." The Kenny-Gnome said, wincing in sympathy.

**DOLLAR BILL**

Butters walked into South Park, looking around as he made his way to the bus stop. As he walked past the school, he noticed someone wearing an orange parka. Not wanting to attract attention to himself, he didn't call out and kept on walking. This failed, however, when the parka-clad boy turned around.

"Butters!" Kenny yelled incredulously, running over. "Dude, everyone thought Cartman already killed you!"

"Everyone?" Butters asked, confused as he thought back to Tweek and Craig.

"Well, Craig and those guys didn't." Stan offered, following Kenny. "The police didn't either, that's why Cartman's fat ass isn't in jail."

"Where were you for the past three days anyway?" Kenny asked.

"W-Well, I was with the Underpants Gnomes…" Butters replied, looking at his feet.

"The Underpants Gnomes?" Stan echoed. "Dude, seriously? Why did you come back then?"

"Yeah, I thought you actually wanted to live?" Kenny inquired.

"W-Well, fellas, I do, but-"

"Buttahs! You pusseh!" Cartman bellowed as he ran over.

"E-Eric?" Butters stuttered, flinching away from the fat boy.

Stan and Kenny took one look at Cartman's aura of icy fury and decided to take their leave.

"You know what? I need to go find Kyle." Stan said, sprinting off.

"And I heard Wendy's at Whistlin' Willy's giving out free pizza." Kenny informed them, making good his escape.

Butters gulped as he was abandoned to Cartman. He closed his eyes when Cartman approached him…

Then opened them again in surprise as Cartman started patting his hair.

"Buttahs, Buttahs, Buttahs." Cartman sighed. "If you had told me that you had been grounded, Ah would have understood."

Butters looked stunned. "R-Really?"

"Of course. Ah know you can't help getting grounded. You do love to get into trouble, after all…"

"I-I do?" Butters asked, looking bewildered.

"Oh yes. It's a freakish fetish." Cartman informed Butters, nodding his head gravely.

"Oh." Butters said, blinking.

"Now let's go steal all the chipotle from hyah and Denver!" Cartman commanded, running off. "Ah bet we'll make a million dollars!"

"Ho boy!" Butters beamed, running after Cartman.

**TACO**

"What a kick!" Butters yelled, beaming as he sat in the cell. "Isn't that right, Eric?"

"Buttahs… Ah am going to _kill _you. We could of gotten away with it, Kahl was too busy screwing his super best butt buddy to notice us, but no, you had to tell the police it was us!" Cartman ranted from the opposite cell.

Butters looked worried for a minute before realising death threats counted as trouble and he laughed happily.

"Goody, more trouble!" He grinned.

Cartman hit his head slowly against the bars of his cell in frustration.

**MIDDLE FINGER**

Somewhere in South Park, a fat kid was in jail, a boy in an orange parka was dead, a red-haired Jew was kicking the baby and a boy wearing a chullo was flipping people off.

All was right in the world.

**The conversation at the start of the story is based on numbah3's SP: 200. The 'Cartman convincing Butters that he has a fetish for trouble' part is based on hot-choc's SP:rewrite my life Y donthcha.**

**I do not claim to own anything other than the story.**


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